Life with a Borderline Personality Disorder | The continued journey

Again by the title this post it’s obviously going to be another personal post about MH – however I received such a lovely response from my last post and the thought of just helping one person get the help they need, I wanted to share another step in my journey.

A few months back I was diagnosed with an Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD) and in all honestly I still had no idea what was going on in my brain. Having my mental health labelled is something I thought may help understand why I feel how I do, but I had never heard of EUPD before so I was none the wiser apart from thinking my personality was broken and I was over emotional?

Today has been the first day I’ve actually come to realise what I actually have. After an appointment with an Occupation Nurse she told me that the EUPD that I was diagnosed with is the same thing as BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, this I have heard of. Although I still don’t know a lot about this disorder it’s something I have at least heard of before.

In all honesty my head feels like its spinning round at the moment and my whole body is filled with that horrible pins and needles feeling.

However, I was advised by the Occupational Nurse to visit the Mind website for more of an insight in to my disorder so this is what I have done.

It has given me a much wider understanding of what BPD is and the reasons why things happen and why I feel the way I do, as well as seeing other people’s experience with it which is actually quite comforting.

One quote I saw was: “My experience is that I have to keep my emotions inside, because I get told I am overreacting […] so I end up feeling like I’m trapped inside my body screaming while no one can hear me.” – This quote is so perfectly accurate it could have almost been written by me.

BPD or EUPD doesn’t mean you just over react to everything or you’re just overly emotional, it means your brain sometimes doesn’t know how to handle certain feelings or emotions so your reaction may be more ‘over reacted’ than normal.

Some of the behaviours resulting from BPD include; frequently changing jobs, hobbies, goals, ambitions or studies, quitting just before achieving something, or avoiding activities where you think you might fail or be disappointed and keeping very busy so you’re never alone.

It can be seen as erratic behaviours to an outsider but as an insider at the time you feel this is normal behaviour.

I am still waiting for CBT and at the moment I am being passed around a bit which is frustrating as I have been waiting since about June, but now I know more information about what I am going through hopefully once this comes around I can speak about it with a bit more knowledge.

If you are suffering with Mental Health or you may not even know you are, but you know something doesn’t feel quite right for you, please take that first step to getting help. You may be knocked down a few times but it is very important to get back up again. It is extremely important that in life we look after our brains. You are not weak for reaching out and you are not abnormal if you do get diagnosed with a MH condition. You are a lot stronger than you think and together we can make MH a subject that is finally taken more seriously.

Charities like Mind are doing a fantastic job and I would highly recommend visiting their website if you are unsure of what Mental Health is, if you want to know more about your condition or you want to see if maybe you come under one of the many categories.



*my featured image is from the Mind website*

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